I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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