hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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