in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
