also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
