Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
