I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
