apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize