reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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