The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize