Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
