but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
