I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
