hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
