I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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