So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize