I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
