Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
