i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
