Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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