you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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