Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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