I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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