If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
