i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
