I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So many bounce houses so little time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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