My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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