I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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