The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize