I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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