I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
