your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My dick has a subreddit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
