Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
