She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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