Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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