So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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