Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize