my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize