oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
As shirtless as possible
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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