I showed him my bush... on skype.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
