Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
