Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We named our party play list daddy issues
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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