i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
