Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
