I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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