So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
