Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize