If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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