This is not my ceiling
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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