We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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