my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
