If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
