when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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