so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
