I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
