Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
