she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
