I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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