This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
