Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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