This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
