I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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