She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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