Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
