did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
