I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
