Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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