So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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