to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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