I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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