Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
