i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
