This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
