And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
