Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
