you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
