I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
