Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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