i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
