Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
