awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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