i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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