when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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