oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
