Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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