I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
