well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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