I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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