I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize