you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
