sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
