I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
