I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't put those talents on a resume
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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