fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
