He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
