jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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