I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Text me some of your sweat
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